I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Text me some of your sweat
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
