Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
