Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
