HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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