Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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