Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
