it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
