just come out here and I will go home with you...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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