my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
