We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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