We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
