Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
