I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
