They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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