literally had 100 drinks last night.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
