the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
