i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
