About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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