paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
