i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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