What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Its about making memories worth repressing
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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