i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
