so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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