I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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