i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
