The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
