3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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