dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
