HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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