bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
