Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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