Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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