I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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