New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
