We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
