oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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