Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
