now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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