I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Buhtt sex?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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