So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
