Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
