I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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