sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
