My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
