Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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