if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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