I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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