Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
