You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
