If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
